Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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