We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
