someone get that fucking seahorse.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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