Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
