K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
