My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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