We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
