I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
