im holly from the hills drunk
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am available for nakedness
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
we should paint friendship bongs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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