You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am midnight drunk by noon
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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