so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
