Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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