please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
