Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
