The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
