Sponge bath it is.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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