the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
