there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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