I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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