my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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