But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
