someone threw a dead crab at me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
