When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
