Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
