I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
