i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
