Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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