Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
