I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
