PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
