You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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