when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
