how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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