coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
