Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
