Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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