Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
