Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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