Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
