You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
