i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
