am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
