i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
God, I missed his penis.
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