Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
