I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
