meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It's Friday. Sex?
People in love make me want to vomit
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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