i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
