So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize