Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize