You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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