Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
