It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
