Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
