Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I think I just sharted jello shots
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