I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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