His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need a beard to bite.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
