Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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