I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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