hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
