u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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