Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
