i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
